The maid of honor just puked.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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