when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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