I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There r osticjed everywhere
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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