my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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