How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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