You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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