i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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