Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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