My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She even gives head with a lisp.
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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