The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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