Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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