At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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