Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize