im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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