I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize