Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize