so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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