ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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