I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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