I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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