he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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