cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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