Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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