So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
