your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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