from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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