i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize