Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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