There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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