Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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