FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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