two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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