Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize