life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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