When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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