I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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