he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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