some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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