sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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