This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize