ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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