I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My life is pants optional.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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