Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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