I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I died a long time ago.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize