my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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