I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I looked at my own cervix.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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