Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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