I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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