Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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