Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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