Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
